Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
