Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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