Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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