Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
