Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
