exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
