my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize