I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
