Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
