I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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