Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
