what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
