haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
