Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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