Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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