So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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