dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
