my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tonight lets celebrate not being married
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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