Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize