ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
