She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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