I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
