I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Pooping to opera.
Shame is for Republicans.
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