Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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