I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
