The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
