It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
