Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
