We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
