we have officially lost it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im six kinds of drunk right now
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize