i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
