I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
