i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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