And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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