hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
