I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
