I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
