whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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