no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
