do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
