Soap is not a condiment
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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