My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
