I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
