I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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