That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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