I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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