I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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