Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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