i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
