also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
