I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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