You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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