I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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