quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
