it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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