He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
