so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
