the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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