I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
