did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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