do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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