Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
