Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize