Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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